Sunday, June 9, 2013

The Old Lefty learns at times...

I used to think it was impossible to fall in love with someone you have never seen in person. I never understood correspondence dating when there was only snail mail.  Facebook? Twitter? Really?? I felt online, virtual romance was for lonely, deluded losers and serial killers on the hunt.

Then I lost the woman I'd loved and lived with for ten years in 2007. Her daughter, whom I'd raised, went to live with an aunt out of state.That's when I discovered what lonely really is. So I joined Twitter. Thought it might be fun. (Tip. When you finally come out of a major bi polar depressive episode stay the fuck off Twitter for awhile. Wait till you even out).  

I also was trying to get back into the swing of dating, I found while at 45, I still turned a woman''s head, it was a whole different story at 55. I seemed to have become invisible.I know I'm gonna hear it. Age is just a number,Talk to a woman. They love it when someone listens and actually is interested in what they say. Keep it age appropriate,  If you're not in you're twenties you're not going to be dating a twenty-two year old. Trust me.

While some women may like bad boys they prefer a man who will treat them with the respect they deserve.Light flirting. Don't sound like an asshole on the make, be clever. Avoid tired lines. They've heard them all, Too many times. Fine. I found though when you say hello their eyes glaze over and you cease to exist. That does wonders for one's confidence and self esteem. Or only married woman want to get to know you. As a friend. I have a lot of women friends. They're all married. I adore them. Somewhere along the line they say,"If I were single."Maybe I give them something they don't get at home. A compliment. Being listened to. Not being taken for granted. They see something in me and take the time to get to know me. Friends. Good, loyal friends.

OK. Back to twitter.The thing I discovered about Twitter was one can control who you interact with. People that share your passions. World view. Politics. Music and literature.When your account is small you can carry on long winding conversations. Really get to see who they are. And yes, I made Twitter friends. A woman in Canada I.d spent hours talking with called  to console me when I my old dog died.She also offered to call when I lost my younger brother recently. Another Canadian lass offered to drive down from Toronto to be my date at a class reunion. I've met some in person and they are amazing. So somewhere along the way how I thought of digital relationships changed. 

Yep. It happened. I fell stupid,gloriously in love with someone I only knew from Twitter. It started so very innocently.We started off with finding we share a similar worldview.She was much younger but understood my archaic music and film references . She made some of her own.We found a mutual love of Jimmy Buffett discussing him as a modern Mark Twain in pastels and boat shoes.

We shared a knowledge  and love of history. We actually under stood context. Why things were as they are. Somehow I fell for this amazing woman. Unbelievably she fell for a much older man .And she was married.
 I didn't care..We were separated by time zones, age and miles,yet we carried on a torrid affair.                  

No lectures please. We were like any new lovers. Hating not seeing each other. Excited when we were together.A Texas sized hole when we were apart. Hell we were silly.We were tender.We were passionate The two of us learned about each through virtual pillow talk. 

We became that cute couple everyone makes fun of. We never really discussed where it was going.Though we were trying to find a way to meet It's not like I had the money to move. She knew that and it didn't matter. And we knew she wasn't going to leave her husband. 

The girl completed me.This girl made me feel alive. Wanted. Needed. Sexy. Smart. She said I made her feel beautiful. I made her think, look at things from a different perspective.This woman told me I had an amazing intellect of all things. 

But we became reckless. I got a phone call. One that just from the tone of voice you know its not going to end well.We.d been discovered. I heard the held back tears.She was desperately doing damage control. 

And it was over. This smart, beautiful sensual woman had class, grace and cared enough to call. I was stunned and I know I didn't say everything she needed to hear. I was tongue tied. I did tell her I'd never lied to her. I meant everything I ever said. We were amazing friends before anything else. That's what I miss. Her wit. Her humor, That sense of style and panache so lacking today.This brilliant,caring, stunning woman knew me and loved me anyway.

Maybe in some alternate reality we're together. I like to think so. So I don't want to hear you'll find someone. There's somebody for everyone.Well, there may be. I was lucky to have had my late wife. I was lucky to have had what I found with that amazing woman I met in the ether. I will cherish and adore her for the rest of my life .I hope she knows that And remembers me fondly.

You just don't fall out of love.You heal eventually.Maybe she taught me I'm worth knowing and loving. She made me a better man.She healed me when she loved me. 

With luck I'll take what I've learned about myself and find someone to charm. Someone like my Girl. Baby you cant go wrong stealing from Kristofferson. Loving you was easier, than anything Ill ever do again..

Thank you darling.  

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